My crazy beautiful life. I know that’s Kesha’s line but it’s true my life is crazy and beautiful all at the same time. I seriously can’t believe how truly blessed I am. Two years ago I would have never thought I would be where I am today. Two years ago I was a totally different person. The past two years I have managed to find the man of my dreams, not only find him but marry him as well. This man came with the cutest lil girl who made me a proud step mom. One of the most challenging yet rewarding journeys I get to be apart of. There is nothing like the blonde hair blue eyed princess running around calling you mama ash. It’s a feeling my heart can’t fully describe. Every fear I have with being a step mom is wiped away when her sweet voice calls out for me. Anyone who is a step mom knows exactly the feeling. It’s a relationship more delicate than any other. God seriously couldn’t have given me a more perfect person for me to spend forever with.. We aren’t perfect by any means but there isn’t anyone else I would want to go through this crazy life with. It is so true when they say opposites attract and anyone who knows us would totally agree. I think that’s what makes us work so well together. I admire the way he sees life how passionate he is about stuff, even if it’s something I could care less about. He has so many qualities I don’t have and wish I did. I love how much as a family we have grown in our first 6 months of marriage. I couldn’t be more thankful for this season of life we are in.
Love… It’s such a strong sometimes overwhelming emotion. Some of us are looking for love, some of us are madly in love, some of us have no idea what real true authentic beautiful love is. I’m not an expert on love but I do know I have experienced it. Whenever I am in doubt of what love is I always go back to 1 Cor. 13 and remind myself love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast…. And so forth… My favorite part of that chapter is where it says love always hopes. I don’t know about you but that always encourages me. No matter what I can have hope. Hope is kind of a word I feel like doesn’t physically do anything or change a situation but it can change a mindset which then can change a situation. Which then can change everything. Love is simply beautiful.. No matter how corrupted this world has made it. I thank God for the love he has shown me and blessing me with people that have that same love. I’m thankful for the man he has placed so perfectly into my life.. This man seriously makes my heart happy. This life is crazy and I’m glad I have someone to share it with.
Sometimes when i think of the many attributes of God and how great and beautiful and worthy and mighty and holy He is.. The last to come to my mind is jealous…. My God is jealous? He is jealous for me? Why?…. What’s there to be jealous for? I think I’m not that special.. I mean I’m your typical 23 year old trying to find her place in this huge crazy messed up world and out of the 7 billion people in the world…he is jealous for me. For me…Ashlee Nicole Tuttle. For my time, my attention, my love. When I think of Him being jealous for me it feels almost… tangible. A feeling I think that is common to us and can even be frustrating at times. It’s like when you miss someone so much and you don’t get to see them but someone else does and that feeling you get where you think it’s not fair they get to spend time with them and you don’t. God, the creator of the universe feels that way towards me. It’s crazy. When I put it in that perspective it just reminds me how much my God loves me and desires to spend time with me.
Happy. It’s how I feel. As I lay here and just think about so many things in my life the one thing I feel is happy. My heart is so happy. God is so good. Today I watched my dad be sworn in as police chief. Quite the achievement. Thankful to be apart of it and to say that is my dad. I know I talk about it a lot but seriously it’s one of the most inspiring things to see someone’s dream come true. Let alone your own fathers dream come true. Seriously my life is beyond blessed. I couldn’t be more excited about where life is taking me. So much has been happening and so fast. In the past month I have had a lot go down. God has seriously lined everything up. Literally I have prayed about everything and he has just been so faithful to me. It’s funny how life can change so fast. You gotta just roll with the punches sometimes and trust Gods got your back. It’s crazy how you can be in the middle of complete chaos and also have complete peace. I love how sometimes when your not looking for something you find it. I’m pretty excited about this. I’m not sure where I am going with all this rambling but this is how my heart feels. Happy.